One week into the off-season, we took our guesses on what the Yankees have been doing since the season ended.
You may have noticed due to the lack of Yankees' games happening, but the 2014 New York Yankees season has been over for a week now. While I'm sure the players would have liked to be participating in the playoffs, the off-season gives them time to do things they don't get a chance to do during the season. Most of the Yankees haven't been very public about what they've done since the season ended, so in this week's Pinstripe Q&A, we took our guesses on what the players' have been up to.
How do you think the various Yankees' players spent their first week of the off-season?
Greg: Well, Coney & I went and got some drinks and just hung out, talking sports and all that. You're just going to have to take my word on that. Brian McCann and Brett Gardner spent the week trying to avoid Eduardo Nunez, who had somehow found his way back into the Bronx again. Mark Teixeira was not so fortunate, but he managed to convince Nunez that he could be on a future episode of "Foul Territory with Mark Teixeira."
Andrew: Mark Teixeira spent countless hours staring at an old family photo of him as a child, and he drew several hearts around his wrist. His only comfort was his favorite juice, "A Whale of a Kale." Rich Hill tried desperately to convince people at his favorite bar that he was a member of the Yankees. The bartender told him to stop making a scene or he'd cut him off. Derek Jeter spent countless hours pacing back and forth in his mansion, anxiously awaiting Mike Piazza's submission to his new website. He was then disappointed to discover that the first article was written in Comic Sans and that there were countless typos, which Piazza blamed on Autocorrect.
John: Alex Rodriguez: Standing in front of his mirror, stroking his image and softly asking, "Who's a pretty horsey? Who's a pretty horsey?"
Mark Teixeira: Eating strawberry kaleshakes.
Carlos Beltran: Eating strawberry milkshakes.
Shane Greene: He's at the Tampa complex, prepping for his next start.
David Robertson: Yacht shopping.
Jim: Brian McCann has been very busy not shaving since September 28th in hope that the Steinbrenners finally relax their facial hair rules in 2015. By now it's clear that his ability to hit baseballs is directly proportional to the amount of ginger fuzz on his face. To make matters worse he looks like a baby-faced creep without the beard, so it would be best for everybody involved if Hank and Hal pull the trigger on that rule change. Meanwhile, Mick Kelleher stayed in bed the entire week and refused to release his wife from the spoon position. It was a long season.
Bryan: Now that the off-season has begun, Mark Teixeira has begun traveling to different spots of the world in hopes of discovering a new healthy, delicious juice that will magically fix his wrist. But of course he isn't traveling alone as Brendan Ryan has found something he is good at and he will be Teixeira's cameraman while Texieira simultaneously films new episodes of "Foul Territory with Mark Teixeira." David Robertson is contemplating whether he will get re-signed or not while also wondering whether the blown save he had in Derek Jeter's final home game will be part of his Yankeeography. Stephen Drew will be hatching out a plan to make Scott Boras disappear, and Alex Rodriguez will slowly emerge from his cave where he has been working out for the past year. While A-Rod didn't shave during that year in the cave, he will need to find time to shave the few hairs off of his face. I can only assume Brett Gardner has done gritty things by sliding into his actual home anytime he gets a chance. And Derek Jeter has been overlooking the men and women who are responsible for replacing Thomas Jefferson's face on Mount Rushmore with his own.
Doug: Now that the offseason is upon us, players are turning the page on a disappointing 2014. Here's how some of the players are spending their first week of vacation.
Derek Jeter: Was busy in his first week of his retirement launching his new blog "The Players Tribune."
Francisco Cervelli: "Cervi," was spotted fist pumping in local NYC clubs.
A-Rod: Spent the week telling everybody around him that "The team is finally all mine!!" He supposedly was using the Mike Francesa grin after uttering those words.
Mark Teixeira: Sat at home brainstorming next year's episodes of "Foul Territory with Mark Teixeira."
Michael Pineda: With a tear in his eye, he threw out all of his remaining pine tar paraphernalia.
Brandon McCarthy &Chase Headley: Were both spending some quality time with Cashman, Hal and Girardi. They both stated their cases to return, with a PowerPoint presentation, as well as with white binders filled with statistics.
Masahiro Tanaka: Continued his strengthening program, realizing that he was one of the few reasons to watch a Yankee game this season.
The rest of the team spent the first week either wallowing in self pity or moving into the nearest physical therapy facility.
Shaun: Tanaka: Counting the days until he and his splitter can once again feed on the despair of opposing batters. Also his wife is apparently a walking good luck charm so maybe being home will boost her powers and keep his arm healthy for the next 15 years.
Kuroda: Debate retirement, and in the warmer months, coach his daughters' little league teams. They will lose most of Their games due to lack of run support.
McCarthy: Traveling the country with his wife and little dog, solving wacky mysteries.
Pineda: Discovering better places to hide his pine-tar.
Dellin Betances: Being cloned for the future All-Dellin bullpen.
D-Rob: In a jacuzzi full of the money the Yankees gave him when they re-signed him.
McCann: Spending time with his Grandma.
Tex: Working on more "Foul Territory with Mark Teixeira."
Gardner: Realizing he's the Yankees best player now, and SHOULD NOT BE SAC BUNTING!
Girardi: Whatever the Binder tells him, because the Binder knows all and sees all.
Jacoby Ellsbury: Chillaxing at the beach, he's earned it.
Headley: Getting fitted for his A-Rod mask that he'll be wearing when he's playing 3rd base in NY while the real A-Rod is locked in the dungeon below the stadium.
Beltran/CC Sabathia/Ivan Nova: Recovering; there is no joke or corny line; just please get healthy!
Rob Thomson/Drew/Chris Capuano/Hill and the rest of the cast of forgotten pieces: In a giant cannon waiting to be shot to the moon.
Matt F: In between rides on his yacht-acopter, Derek Jeter is debating whether or not he should accept the Yankees' offer to open a chain of "Derek Jeter's Taco Hole" restaurants. If he decides against it, the Yankees do have a back-up plan, so a "Brendan Ryan's Burrito Burrow" may be opening in your town soon. Mark Teixeira is taking "Foul Territory with Mark Teixeira" on the road and filming a Anthony Bourdain "No Reservations"-type show about juice bar locations. Not to spoil it, but the Portland episode ends with a second bad experience with a beaver for Teixeira. Francisco Cervelli fell off a ladder. Yankee in his own mind Eduardo Nunez has been marking his "return" to the team by bonding with "new teammate" Martin Prado. Little does he know, that's not Prado, it's a live buffalo.
Now that you've seen our answers, what do you think the Yankees have been doing so far this off-season?